I was scrolling through posts on a social media site when I came across this comment: “The issue is everyone blames autism for everything from bad behavior to poor eating. When it’s usually simply bad parenting.”

Several people chastised this person’s opinion (understandably so), and truthfully, I was annoyed, too, but I decided to try a more educational approach. This was the response I gave:
“My autistic son (diagnosed at 16) was extremely fussy as a young child, and I tried everything I could think of to calm him in public places, but until I realized what his triggers were (i.e., being in loud restaurants), I couldn't go anywhere without him melting down, and that made life very difficult.
When he was a little older, I had to repeat myself thousands of times to reinforce the rule that he needed to stop hitting, biting, kicking, etc., people, animals, or himself. And before you ask why I didn’t try some other form of discipline – taking away privileges didn’t work, time-outs backfired, and spanking him was out of the question. (You can’t teach a child not to hit by hitting them.) My words finally sunk in when he was seven years old (he started at three).
I’m sure a lot of people thought his "bad behavior" was because of "bad parenting," but the truth was, I was parenting harder than almost anybody I knew, but I was missing vital information (my son being autistic) that might have helped me figure out how to help him sooner – maybe. Despite what it looked like to other people, I was parenting him the best I could.
Fortunately, I did well. At age 20, my son is an incredibly kind, considerate, and gentle adult, and we have the most amazing relationship. He talks to me about everything in his life - well, ALMOST everything. He's entitled to his privacy after all, lol. We still "hang out" every week or so - even though he has a steady girlfriend. He sometimes apologizes for being so difficult when he was little, but just like his behavior growing up wasn't my fault, it wasn't his fault either. We just had to figure it out together.
It's important to remember that parenting doesn't come in just one size, and when you have a special needs child, finding the right size can be very, very complicated.”
What do you think? Have you been accused of “bad parenting”? Comment below!
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