Because I started this blog last summer and have already written several entries, I’m doing this a little backwards. Completely in character for me, I’m afraid.
Hi. Let me introduce myself. My name is Rachel Zirkin Duda, and I am the author of the book, Mending Together, Building Together (MTBT), which is a memoir (combined with pertinent educational content – and a lot of humor) in which I share the struggles and triumphs of raising a child with unrecognized autism spectrum disorder, who challenged me in just about every way possible.
I was a victim of childhood abuse, neglect, and bullying, and as a result, developed complex post-traumatic stress disorder, or “C-PTSD,” and other mental health issues.
From a young age, my son, Seth, was full of rage and physical aggression, and I was concerned he was on the road to becoming a bully himself. There were times I felt so triggered by his behavior, I doubted my ability to handle him, but I was not going to raise a bully.
Because traditional disciplinary techniques like rewards and punishments had no impact on Seth’s behavior, I had to think creatively. Through trial and error, I found ways to get through to Seth that fostered open communication and trust, and as a result, Seth and I have an incredibly close relationship, and he is comfortable in his own skin – most of the time.
In turn, Seth motivates me to work even harder on my own healing, which has helped me break through tough intergenerational trauma, cultivate more self-compassion, and grow into the person I was always meant to be.
In other words, Seth and I have been mending (our past) and building (the future)…together.
Writing this book was a six-year labor of love. There were times I pushed the project away because I was concerned about putting it all out there. What if Seth turned into a serial killer after I claimed he was doing so well? Were people going to bully me because they read this memoir and realized I might still be an easy target? Would I be making a fool of myself by being so vulnerable and open about – well – almost everything? Ultimately, I decided that none of that mattered. If I could help even one person, it would be worth taking those risks.
The “Another Mother” blog is an extension and elaboration of Mending Together, Building Together that will likely take on its own life. While I was writing MTBT, I made a lot of discoveries about myself and Seth – and the nature of trauma and neurodivergence. Since it was published, I have delved even deeper into my own history, and I am becoming a lot clearer on why I still have such strong trauma reactions sometimes. I am continuing to learn how to love and accept myself unconditionally, despite my disability (dyspraxia), and becoming more assertive in my life, and I want to share my progress. Seth is transitioning to a different phase of life and facing new challenges as an autistic adult. I want to share those stories, too.
By doing this, I aspire to help mothers (and fathers and guardians; I don’t discriminate) feel seen and supported - no matter what challenges you are dealing with. Just one caveat. I am not a child-rearing expert. I am not a psychologist. I’m just another mother who has been in the trenches of raising a challenging child, while battling my own demons, and I want to offer hope to those who are still struggling. Seth will occasionally be contributing his own thoughts and reactions, as well.
I encourage you to ask questions and post comments about anything that resonates with you. I want this to be a safe place where you can vent and tell your own stories. Life is so much easier when you know you are not alone.
If you like what you’re reading, please spread the word! See you on the inside! (Well, elsewhere on the page, anyway.)
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