![“Pain shared is pain divided.”[1]](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/c72780_f20322d3662549c0bfcceea49e7e5c28~mv2.jpg/v1/fill/w_980,h_655,al_c,q_85,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01,enc_auto/c72780_f20322d3662549c0bfcceea49e7e5c28~mv2.jpg)
One of the biggest challenges I have faced in the aftermath of my extremely traumatic childhood (which lasted into adulthood), has been learning to treat myself with kindness and compassion. I was taught (both directly and indirectly) from a young age that being bullied and picked on was my own fault. I always had the feeling other people understood rules I didn’t, and I thought I couldn’t figure out those rules because I was stupid – or crazy – or just plain built “wrong.” (Turns out I am neurodivergent, but this is only a recent discovery.)
I was shamed at every turn for my awkwardness, my emotionality – seemingly, my very existence – and it came from everywhere – other kids, family members, even some of the other adults in my life. I was rarely praised. I thought I was worthless – a waste of space.
Those feelings have lingered and still come up on a too-regular basis, but I haven’t been able to find a predictable way to interrupt the feelings once they come up. While I was writing Mending Together, Building Together, I learned a tremendous amount about myself and did a lot of processing of past traumas. I am hoping that through this blog, I will be able to continue this important work. Periodically, I will record wins and admit setbacks – with the purpose of learning how to value my strengths and stop shaming myself when my weaknesses get the best of me.
What I would really love, however, is if my readers would join me on this journey. Post comments and share your own wins and setbacks – so that we can hold them as a community. Let’s all work together to not feel so alone.
[1] Dave Grossman, On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and Peace
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